I'm Waiting
by TR-Fanfic
Summary: This is the way Adrift Part II should have gone. Finished
1. Default Chapter

This is a short, "What should have happened in Adrift Part II" sort of story. It begins right after Mac left Harm's apartment, a little before she sees him embrace Renee' through the window. This is just a little thing I put together all at once. Tell me what you think of it. I'm not sure how many parts I should extend it to. It depends on where the story takes me, but I'm planning on making it at least a two parter. Honest feedback is always appreciated.  
  
******************* I'M WAITING *******************  
  
Harm still stood staring at the door to his apartment. Mac had just walked out. It was taking every ounce of strength he had to just stand there and let her go. His freaking sense of honor wouldn't let him neglect Renee' in her time of mourning. He sighed, somewhere deep inside him, he knew that Mac wouldn't wait until he got back to draw her own conclusions about this "thing" that was between them. If he was going to talk to her, he had to do it now. Or she was going to bolt. He knew it. And the knowledge of it ached him. He felt as if she was physically pulling him toward her. She needed him badly, and she needed him NOW. He had even told her to come to him, but again, "curious happenstances abound and all hell breaks loose." That little saying that he and Sturgis had caught onto while in the academy, certainly encompassed the entirety of he and Mac's relationship. He shook his head and swallowed a disdainful laugh. 'Renee' is a decent woman, she's certainly got the whole package, all wrapped up with a bow on top.' He thought with disapprobation. 'But she sure as hell has terrible timing. First the admiral's porch and now this.' Harm slightly shook his head, and stared at the floor. He turned slowly from the door as he heard Renee' stirring. She looked like hell. And despite his recent train of thought, his heart went out to her. He may not love her like she wanted him to, but she had always been good to him. And besides, no one deserved this kind of pain. Renee' stood up and Harm put his arms around her, trying to make up in physical comfort what he lacked in true emotional support.  
  
"I'm hungry." She said into his shoulder.  
  
Harm stepped back and eyed her. "Well that's a good sign, I think." He said, trying to be convincingly tender. "I don't have much to eat around here." Harm frowned thoughtfully, "I can make you some of my famous vegetable soup." He suggested.  
  
Renee' thought for a moment and said in a tired voice, "That sounds good Harm."  
  
"Okay." He said, kissing her on the forehead. "I'll have to go to the store to get everything for it. Why don't I go draw you a bath, and you can relax and try to get your bearings." Harm looked her in the eye, trying not to look expectant or anxious. He choked back a sigh of relief when she nodded her agreement.  
  
Harm leaned over the tub and turned on the water, and it suddenly occured to him, he didn't have a clue how hot Renee' preferred the water in her bath. Oddly enough, he knew exactly how hot he would need to make it for Mac. Mac. Harm shook his head slightly, and adjusted the water temp to a few degrees lower than a 'Mac bath'. Renee' was no Marine. He chuckled a little despite himself. Hell, Renee' was just not Mac.  
  
Walking out of his bedroom, Harm found Renee' sitting on the couch weeping. He sat next to her and absentmindedly stroked her back.  
  
"I just talked to him yesterday." She said between tears. "I just can't believe it."  
  
"I know." Harm replied softly, "It'll take a while for it to sink in. Either way, you'll get through this. I promise."  
  
Renee' raised her eyes, and looked at him. She knew he was trying hard to be supportive. But the fact is, he didn't say 'WE will get through this' He said, 'YOU will get through this'. It was a minor point, but it spoke volumes. Especially since Mac was never going to marry Mic Brumby. Renee' leaned into his shoulder.  
  
"Thank you." She replied.  
  
Harm nodded and said, "you better get into that bath, it'll do you good. I need to go to the store and get you fed. You're going to need your strength. Is there anything else you want me to pick up?"  
  
Renee' shrugged a little and then said, "Chocolate. Lots of Chocolate."  
  
Harm nodded, and kissed her forehead. "I shouldn't be too long. Maybe a half hour or 45 minutes. You go relax in your bath, let me take care of the rest."  
  
Renee' smiled, "Thank You for being here for me Harm."  
  
Harm smiled back, "You're very welcome Renee'." He reached out and touched her shoulder, grabbed his keys and headed out the door, cane in one hand, cell phone in the other.  
  
He practically ran out of the apartment building. Injuries be damned. He got to his SUV and immediately said, "Mac" into his cell phone. Harm sat behind the wheel and hoped against hope that she would pick up the phone. After the fourth ring, she answered.  
  
"Hello." He heard Mac say. To the untrained ear she sounded just fine. To him, she sounded miserable.  
  
"Hi Mac."  
  
"Harm what are you doing?"  
  
"Are you home yet?"  
  
Mac hesitated, "um, no not quite yet. Why?"  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"Harm, why?" She said, more firmly.  
  
"Because I'm not letting you go Mac, we need to talk."  
  
"What about Renee'?" Mac asked surprised. "You can't just_"  
  
"I know it. I'm not. Renee's relaxing at my place. I'm on my way to the store to get some food. I told her I would be gone for about a half hour."  
  
"Harm_"  
  
"Where are you? Can you meet me somewhere so we can talk?"  
  
"We don't have enough time."  
  
"What I have to say won't take long Mac." Harm paused, "I take that back, it's taken way too long for me to tell you all that I need to say. But this will be a start. Can you meet me?"  
  
Harm heard Mac let out the breath she had been holding. Almost breathlessly she said, "Uh, yeah sure. Where are you going?"  
  
"How far are you from the Safeway on Connecticut avenue?"  
  
Mac scanned her surroundings, "I'm about five minutes from there."  
  
"I'm about ten. I'll meet you there."  
  
Harm heard Mac smile through the phone. "I'm waiting." She said with a meaningful lilt in her voice, and Harm clicked off his phone and smiled, holding it to his cheek as if it could somehow connect him tactilely with her. Turning toward the supermarket, Harm's stomach began to flutter. His life was about to change. He was sure of it. 


	2. I'm waiting part 2

Mac felt her heart quicken as she saw the SUV pull up next to her in the parking lot. The panic that momentarily rose up into her throat, was perhaps, the clearest indication that after this, nothing would remain the same. For a moment she almost stayed in the car, tempted by the security of her heartache. A feeling she was well acquainted with. A feeling she could trust.  
  
She glanced out the window and saw Harm standing between the cars, looking at her expectantly. She briefly observed him, he stood a little unsteadily, oblivious to the torrent of rain pouring down on him. She could see tufts of air coming from his lips and realized that she was not the only one breathing rapidly in expectation.  
  
Mac stepped from the car. Immediately she was thankful for the coolness of rain drops on her, flushed cheeks. She barely had time to close the car door before Harm was at her side. Taking her hand, he drew her to him and threw his arms around her.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Sarah. I can't imagine what you're going through." He whispered in her ear.  
  
Mac pulled back, "can't you?" She asked her eyes stinging with tears.  
  
Harm regarded her for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I can," he replied. "When you walked back into that party I just knew there were no more chances for us." He paused, and sighed. Remembering their time limitations, he tried to speak quickly. "I'm stuck in so many ways here Mac. I have Renee' to think about." Harm felt her begin to pull back, and tightened his hold on her. "Wait Mac, please I'm not finished." He raised a hand and swiped at a stream of water falling down her cheek. "Like I was saying," Harm continued tenderly, "I have Renee' to deal with, and I have you. Who I love so much it scares the hell out of me. And I have Mic_" he trailed off.  
  
"Mic?" She asked surprised.  
  
"Yeah Mic, I keep going from wanting to grab that "bloke" and beat him to a pulp for hurting you, to wanting to kiss him senseless for giving me another chance."  
  
Despite herself, Mac let out an absurd laugh. "I know what you mean, me too."  
  
Harm gave her an appraising look. "It doesn't hurt that he left you?"  
  
"It does." Mac admitted wiping a stray tear. She met his eyes, "but not nearly as bad as seeing you hold Renee' through that window." Her lip quivered and Harm pulled her strong against him as she wept.  
  
"That's it let it out." He soothed. "I'm so sorry. She needs me because she's hurting Mac, and I'm going to be there for her because it's the right thing to do." He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "I don't love her Sarah. I love you." He declared slowly. "I have loved you for years."  
  
Mac stared up at him, her red rimmed eyes wide with hope, and shadowed with sorrow. "If you've loved me for so long why were you going to let me marry Mic?"  
  
"I thought that's what you wanted. Until I realized while I was out doing my Quals, what you were really asking me to do out on the porch that night." Harm shook his head and looked away, and idly wiped the water from his brow. "I was coming in for a pass over the carrier in my first round, and Skates asked me if you were still getting married. Not 'when', Mac, 'if'. I knew then that what you wanted was for me to tell you that I didn't want you to marry Mic." Harm stopped, searching for confirmation in her eyes. "When I begged permission to fly back, I was flaying back to stop the wedding." He stated.  
  
Mac's lips parted slightly. She was speechless. Everything she had ever wanted was being handed to her on a platter. Sure the platter was tarnished, and scratched, and bore the scars of struggle from all sides. Still, it held all her dreams. She reached up and lightly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. "I don't know what I should do now Harm." She said, looking away. Her voice held a note of distress. And then her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "What were you going to say to me if Renee' hadn't shown up?"  
  
Harm smiled a little. "Well, I would have told you immediately that Renee' and I had just broken up." He paused, "unfortunately before I could pick up the phone to break it off, she called and told me about her father. I couldn't very well 'kick her when she was down'." He shrugged a little. "I didn't have anything particular in mind. We would have just talked. Like we're doing now."  
  
"You were going to break up with her?"  
  
Harm frowned, "of course I was Mac." His frown deepened. "What did you think?"  
  
"I was trying not to think. I just hoped against hope that we would finally be able to work things out between us. I'm sorry. I should have known you would have Renee' out of your life before you would even consider anything happening with us." Mac shook her head, trying to clear the fog. "I'm sorry I'm babbling. I'm so drained."  
  
Harm put his arm around her and said, "let's go in. We both look like drowned rats."  
  
"Well, thank you very much." Mac said, her attempt at levity falling flat.  
  
Harm smiled at her, at least she was trying. They moved to the deli area of the store and were pleased to find the it deserted. Sitting down, Harm took up the conversation promptly, knowing they were running out of time.  
  
"What do you need me to do Mac? We both have a lot weighing on us right now. I know you're not ready for you and I to_" He paused, "what do you need me to do?"  
  
"I honestly don't know Harm." She sighed wearily. "There's just so much_"  
  
"I know." He said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I have to go to the funeral, I should be gone 3 or 4 days. Promise me you'll be here when I get back." He entreated.  
  
"What's going to happen with you and Renee'?" Mac asked, still not ready to give herself over completely. One heart breaker was enough for her in one night.  
  
"I will break up with her in a couple of weeks. I think that gives all of us enough time to reset ourselves, and move on to new things. But Mac, if you need more time_"  
  
"No! Uh, no I don't need more time." Mac smiled. "I was ready to leave my own engagement party with you, if you had so chosen to sweep me off my feet." She teased, raising an eyebrow. "I think two weeks is enough time for me to, at the very least, figure out what I want to do with_"  
  
Harm's brow creased slightly, "you don't know what you want?" He asked trying to keep it light.  
  
Mac regarded him with perfect gravity. "I know, I want you. I love you Harm. I love Mic too, in some approximation I suppose." Mac swallowed, "and it hurts to be rejected." She paused, "but I'm not letting anything else stand in the way anymore. We're only fixing something that should have been done years ago." Mac sat up straighter in her seat. "I refuse to back away."  
  
Harm smiled in relief, "so you'll be here when I get back?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Thank You." He replied softly, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of her hand.  
  
TBC Good? Bad? Let me know. 


	3. I'm Waiting Chapter 3

I'M WAITING PART 3  
  
By, TR  
  
Disclaimer:They're not mine, please don't sue. It'd be a fruitless effort.  
  
  
  
Harm stowed his carry-on and then sat down to buckle his seat belt. He sighed. The last few weeks were taking their toll on his tired body. The last two days in particular had been the hardest. He felt torn once again between duty and love. And he missed Mac terribly.  
  
Unconsciously he pressed the button to recline his seat, and he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Images played out in his mind, as he tried to relax. Mac's standing there in the pouring rain, a strand of her hair plastered to her forehead, looking up at him, her expression a mixture of hope, fear, and heartache. Himself trying to tell her as quickly as he could that it was she that he wanted, and not Renee'. He felt a stab of guilt as the image of Renee' weeping at her father's funeral, flashed behind his eyes. He had tried to comfort her as best as he could. Tried to hide the fact that he would rather be home working things out with another woman.  
  
Another memory came to him, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It was one of Mac as they had hastily left the store and hurried back out into the pouring rain. He had fought the urge to kiss her full and deep. Fought the urge to let go, like he had done on AJ's porch. After all, he was still tied to another woman.  
  
*Harm put the groceries into the car and turned to Mac. Pulling her into his arms, he clung to her. Afraid to let go, lest she turn and run. "Wait for me Mac." He whispered in her ear.  
  
"I'm waiting Harm. I told you I would." She replied looking up at his face. They stared for a moment. Neither wanting to make the move.  
  
At last Harm leaned down and laid a kiss on her forehead, and then rested his chin in her hair. They both stood, grasping, panting for control. For the strength to walk away with so much left unsaid. Mac was the first to let go.  
  
"You'd better get back." She said, not bothering to disquise her sadness.  
  
"Yeah, I better. I've got to get dinner on and then get to bed."  
  
"With Renee'." Mac said, more to herself than to Harm.  
  
Harm froze, and then frowned. He heard the pain and insecurity in her voice. "Mac." He said gently. "I promise you I won't touch her." He vowed. Thinking it odd that his pledge of faithfulness to the woman that he loved, involved staying away from the woman who was his girlfriend.  
  
Mac pinned him with an skeptical expression. Harm couldn't blame her. He knew that Renee' would be needy. And Mac knew it too. He opted though, to leave the subject at his promise, and hope that Mac trusted him enough to believe him.  
  
"I'll be back in a few days." He said, and Mac nodded, trying to smile. Hugging her breifly one more time, Harm got into his SUV, and drove home. When he looked back, Mac was still standing in the pouring rain.*  
  
Harm was roused from his reverie by the clinking of the beverage cart making it's way down the isle. He righted his seat and prepared to get something to remedy his cotton mouth. 'I hate air travel!' he thought, and immediately laughed at himself. Funny how the view is so much better from the pilot's seat.  
  
After selecting some mineral water from the cart Harm settled in again. He leaned his seat back once more and shook his head. All of his years of fancy court room talk, and mastering the art of jury persuasion, still hadn't prepared him to deal with Renee' wanton with greif. Almost begging him to give her a comforting distraction. He had been tempted, only because his heart went out to her in her pain. But he knew it would be impossible for him to touch her without picturing Mac. He had already made the mistake of calling her Mac once, he wasn't about to let it happen again. The very last thing he needed was to call out Mac's name in the throws of passion, and add to Renee's pain. He was grateful for his injuries then. They were a great excuse for declining certain forms of exercise, not to mention staying out on the couch where he could 'elevate his legs'. He had awakened with a sore back. But with his promise to Mac intact.  
  
Harm looked at his watch and then stared at the phone lodged in the back of the seat in front of him. He pursed his lips in indecision. He still had two hours easy before he could get back home. He wasn't sure if talking to Mac was a good idea right now. If he started talking, he might not stop, and this was a conversation that definitely wanted to have in person. He sighed as his lawyer mind kicked in. 'Come on Rabb, lately you never get it right when it comes to Mac. Maybe trusting your insticts isn't the best thing to do.' Harm shrugged and picked up the phone. He slid his card into the payment slot and dialed Mac's number.  
  
"Hello?" He heard her say. Her voice thick with sleep.  
  
"Mac? I'm sorry did I wake you?" He paused, "I'll call back another time."  
  
"No." She said quickly. "It's fine. Where are you?"  
  
"I'm still on the plane."  
  
"Harm! Those calls cost a fortune!"  
  
"I know they do, but I wanted to check in with you." Harm hesitated, "are you alright?"  
  
"I'm breathing in and out." Mac said wearily. "You know how it goes."  
  
"Yeah." Harm agreed quietly. He looked at his watch. "I should be touching down in about an hour, and then it will take another hour just to get through the airport and then to your place." He gave a sour laugh. "I'm not moving all that fast these days."  
  
"Well I can come get you if you need me to Harm. How did you get to the airport?"  
  
"Renee' drove." He replied simply.  
  
"Oh." Was all Mac said. But Harm could hear the strain in her voice.  
  
"It's okay Mac, I'll just take a cab_"  
  
"Wait Harm." Mac interrupted. "You're coming to my place?"  
  
"Yeah. We have a conversation to finish."  
  
"But I thought that you were going to give it a couple of weeks before_."  
  
"I told you I would wait a couple of week to_" Harm looked around, mindful of bored eavesdroppers. "_free myself up. That doesn't mean that we aren't going to talk."  
  
"Oh." Mac said, not knowing how to voice the myriad of other things going on in her mind.  
  
"What did you expect Mac? That I would stay away from you?"  
  
"I don't know what I expected. Nothing has worked according to plan lately." She gave a bitter laugh. "Like anything has EVER worked out according to plan in my life."  
  
"Well, that's what the two weeks are for. Stop and catch your breath. And after tonight, try not to think too much. I'll be around to keep you on the straight and narrow."  
  
"Oh well thank you very much. Are you suggesting that I am incapable of plotting the direction of my own life?" Mac said in an unreadable tone.  
  
Harm frowned, not knowing if she was truly put out, or ribbing him. He decided to go with a serious answer. "That's what I'm here for Mac. Even in just the bestfriend capacity. I'm your bumper so you don't fall into the gutter." He told her, wincing at his own bad bowling analogy. "Well, you know what I mean. You can better reach your goals if I'm there to support you. You can do the same for me."  
  
"It's a deal." Mac said, and Harm thought he heard a hint of a smile in her voice. "Now hang up before you have to take out a loan to pay for this call."  
  
Harm laughed. "Okay, I'll see you__"  
  
"In an hour at the airport." She said, finishing his sentence.  
  
Harm smiled. "Okay thanks, bye Mac."  
  
"Bye Harm." She answered, and the phone went dead.  
  
TBC Good? Bad? Let me know. I hope this didn't suck too bad, it's exactly 3:57 AM. And I'm functioning on no coffee. 


	4. I'm Waiting Chapter 4

Harm stepped off the plane and into the waiting area of the terminal. He frowned as he scanned the crowd. There was not sign of Mac. He checked his watch, 'She should be here by now.' After a few minutes the crowd dispersed and Harm spotted her.  
  
She was sitting in chair by the windows, resting her head on her fist. Harm smiled, she was asleep. He walked over in front of her and shucked off his duffel. He stood for a moment, just watching her. She looked exhausted, and Harm shook his head slightly. 'She's been through hell.' He contemplated for a moment kneeling in front of her, but the ache in his legs told him that wasn't a wise idea. Silently he sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders.  
  
She woke with a start, and he smiled down at her. "Hey."  
  
"Hey." Mac replied, sitting upright and rubbing her eyes. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"I just got in."  
  
She shrugged, "sorry I guess I was more tired than I thought."  
  
"No problem." Harm said, standing up and offering his hand to her.  
  
Mac smiled, and accepted it. Standing up, she hesitated and then pulled him close to her. "I'm so glad you're back," she whispered.  
  
Harm raised his eyebrows in surprise, and held her close to him. Comforting her. "So am I," he replied softly. Stepping back he picked up his duffel. "Let's get out of here."  
  
Mac nodded, and they began to walk through the airport. "How was the flight?" Mac asked, trying to keep things light.  
  
"It was ok." Harm shrugged. "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?"  
  
"Not really." Mac replied, with a yawn.  
  
Harm furrowed his brow. "You know Mac, you look like you haven't slept in years. You ok?"  
  
Mac stopped and turned to him, "I'm just worn out. I'm ok." She answered trying to sound convincing. Harm nodded.  
  
They made their way to the car without further comment.  
  
Harm looked over at Mac from the passenger seat. She looked detached, numb. He reached over and tentatively took her hand. "Everything's going to be ok." He stated softly.  
  
Mac turned her head, gave a small nod, and attempted a smile. Harm held onto her hand until she had to downshift, and stop at a light.  
  
"You know Mac, we don't have to talk tonight. You need to get some rest. We can do this later."  
  
Mac shot him a look, and he slightly leaned back away from her. Back peddling a little he said, "or on second thought I guess we can do this now." His eyebrows rose slightly in question, but Mac made no verbal response.  
  
Harm reached over and took her hand once more, giving it a comforting squeeze. She looked so fragile. He really couldn't blame her for being on guard. She had been bowled over by the events of the last few weeks. Their kiss on the porch, his leaving for his Quals and then going down in the drink, Mic walking out on her, the list went on. And she was doing it all without any support. Harm shook his head slightly, as he silently vowed to be there for her, come what may.  
  
Mac pulled up in front of her building and picked up Harm's duffel from the trunk. Harm went to protest, but thought better of it. 'I'm perfectly capable.' He heard her voice tell him in his head, and he couldn't hold back a chuckle.  
  
Mac eyed him, "what's so funny?" She asked amiably.  
  
"Oh nothing." He answered. "Thanks for carrying my duffel."  
  
Mac shot him a look, "I'm perfectly capable Harm!"  
  
With that Harm burst out laughing, and Mac's glare twitched, threatening to break. "You certainly are." He said, still chuckling. Mac's glare broke into a smile. Harm smiled back and draped his arm loosely around her shoulders.  
  
"Do you want anything to drink?" Mac asked as they walked into the apartment and settled in.  
  
"Sure, I'll just have some water."  
  
"Okay." Mac replied, taking her time getting his water, and shedding her shoes. Harm could tell she was stalling. Everything about her manner screamed insecurity. He looked around and saw the only evidence that Mic Brumby had ever been there, a box with miscellaneous odds and ends in it. Things he had left behind. Harm stiffened as he was struck with that same strange emotion, anger mixed with relief.  
  
Mac turned and followed the direction of his gaze. Wordlessly she walked over, grabbed the box and threw it in the closet. She slammed the closet door with finality, and brushed her hands together. She was finished with Mic Brumby. The anger had set in. Harm saw her mentally shove her sleeves up and prepare. The Marine in her, was taking her anger, and turning it into courage.  
  
"So." Mac said in full, confident voice. "You wanted to talk."  
  
"Yes." Harm replied matching her tone.  
  
"Okay. Then let's talk."  
  
"Okay." Harm said a little hesitantly, and then softened. Reaching out to take her hand, he said, "I'm sorry I had to leave like that. I wanted to be here for you so much."  
  
Mac smiled slightly, and nodded. "Well, I survived." She sighed, "I always do."  
  
"Yes you do. But this time you don't have to do it alone."  
  
Mac released his hand and stepped back. "Why now Harm?"  
  
"Why now?"  
  
"Yeah, why are we having this conversation now and not on the ferry? What is different about this moment in comparison to that one?"  
  
Harm straightened, "on the ferry I never knew what it would be like to lose you. I just wanted more time, I honestly didn't think asking for it would drive you away." He paused and looked her in the eye. "By the time I realized the consequences it was too late to take it all back."  
  
"Did you want to take it back?"  
  
"Yes. And I find now, that I can answer your question honestly. Eternity, is NOT how long we're going to wait."  
  
"This doesn't have to be complicated Harm."  
  
Harm sighed, "no Mac it doesn't. But it may get that way from time to time. Either way, you were right, I was afraid of letting go."  
  
"You're not still afraid?" She asked.  
  
"I am." Harm admitted, and then pinned her with a frank expression. "But I'm letting go anyway."  
  
Mac stilled, and her eyes took on an expression of relief. She knew his intentions before he left. But 3 days of nothing but your own thoughts can build on a lot of doubts and insecurities.  
  
The ringing of the phone interrupted Mac's response. Reluctantly she picked it up, "Hello." She said into the receiver. Hoping against hope it wasn't Mic. She grimaced, as she heard Renee's voice. "Yes, he's right here." She said, as she handed Harm the phone, she mouthed 'Renee'.  
  
"Hello."  
  
*Harm, how long ago did you get in?*  
  
He looked at his watch. "About and hour ago."  
  
*You said you would call me when you landed.*  
  
"I know I'm sorry about that. I'm just really tired and _"  
  
*_preoccupied with Mac. Are you sleeping there tonight too Harm?*  
  
"Renee'." Harm began, frustrated. "It's not like that."  
  
*You haven't even been home yet have you? I knew that's the first place you'd go.*  
  
"No I haven't. But that's irrelevant. Mac is my best friend and she's hurting right now. Am I just supposed to ignore that?"  
  
*What about me, I'm hurting too. *  
  
"I went to the funeral. I supported you_"  
  
* You were there with me, but I could tell your mind was on her. You didn't even remember me when you woke up in the hospital. *  
  
"Now that's not fair Renee', I was fighting for my life! I'm sorry I couldn't remember every detail when I woke up."  
  
*You remembered everything about Mac! *  
  
"That's irrelevant and it was out of my control!"  
  
* You wouldn't even sleep in the same bed with me! *  
  
"Renee'_" Harm shifted uncomfortably, and looked at Mac. "I already explained to you that we couldn't sleep together. I have injuries__"  
  
* Harm, that is a load of shit and you know it! You just didn't want me because I wasn't Mac! You couldn't even kiss me without saying her name! *  
  
"That only happened once!" Mac's eyes widened as registered what Renee' had just screamed at Harm. Harm, who had been holding the phone out from his ear in an effort to salvage his ear drums, just looked at her, bewildered, and tried to calm down. "Listen Renee', I think you should calm down. You've been under a lot so stress and__" Harm heard Renee' sniffle into the phone.  
  
* The stress started way before my dad died Harm! I've had enough of hoping that you could forget about her. I'm not going to do it anymore. *  
  
Harm took a deep breath. "So what are you saying?"  
  
* I'm finished Harm. It's over. *  
  
"Ok, if that's what you want." Harm said, feeling guilty for his lack of sadness.  
  
* Goodbye Harm. *  
  
"Goodbye Renee'." Harm clicked off the phone and stared at it for a moment before he set it down on the table.  
  
"It's over?" Mac asked with a sympathetic look.  
  
"It's over." Harm stated with a look of relief. And raised his eyes to meet hers.  
  
TBC Good? Bad? Let me know. 


	5. I'm Waiting Conclusion

* Goodbye Harm. *  
  
"Goodbye Renee'." Harm clicked off the phone and stared at it for a moment before he set it down on the table.  
  
"It's over?" Mac asked with a sympathetic look.  
  
"It's over." Harm stated with a look of relief. And raised his eyes to meet hers.  
  
Mac looked back at him with equal gravity. Matching his apprehension, and relief. "Are you ok?" She asked, not knowing how she would feel if he was truly heartbroken over Renee'. She almost laughed at her own hypocrisy. Wasn't she weeping to Harm over Mic just a few days ago?  
  
"I'm fine, Mac." Harm replied, maintaining eye contact. "I'm free."  
  
Mac's lips parted, as the implications of his words sunk in. This was it. They were both free to love each other, and neither was running. Not yet anyway. She swallowed as she oscillated between wanting to run for her life, and wanting to throw herself into his arms. She opted to stay put, and literally sat on her hands, to keep from launching herself at him.  
  
Harm smiled, and slid his hand under her thigh to pull her hand free. He was surprised when she let him take it easily. Tentatively, he brushed a kiss onto her knuckles, and gave her a small smile. He held her eyes gauging her expression. Mac smiled back and reached up to caress his face. Softly, slowly, lightly they touched, kissed, and caressed each other. Never venturing into areas too passionate or private, but nevertheless, reveling in the verity of their situation. They were now free to show their hearts, however gently and gradually.  
  
Mac was the first one to pull away. Closing her eyes she placed her hands on the sides of his face, and rested her forehead against his. They stayed that way for a moment, as if, by osmosis, they could read each other's thoughts and feelings.  
  
"Harm, I am really exhausted." She murmured.  
  
"I know. So am I." He replied. "You go to bed, I'll call a cab."  
  
Mac pulled back and looked him in the eye. Harm shifted uneasily, not sure what she needed him to do. He wanted to take it slow with her. To let her recover and gain some equilibrium in her life before they continued forward. By the same token, the last thing he wanted was to pull back too far when she needed him there.  
  
"You don't have to call a cab Harm." She stated simply.  
  
"Okay." Harm replied carefully. "What would you like me to do?"  
  
"Stay."  
  
"Alright, I'll just make up the couch." He said, trying to keep it light.  
  
"No." Mac replied directly. "Sleep with me."  
  
Harm's eyes widened. "Mac, I don't think__"  
  
"I need you Harm." She stated. And then sighed, and looked away. "I want you to hold me." She told him quietly, studying a piece of lint on the carpet.  
  
Harm walked up close to her, and lifted her chin so she could see his eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Okay." He answered with a smile, took her hand and led her into the bedroom.  
  
Harm sat on the edge of the bed, as Mac got settled in for the night. His eyebrows raised in surprise when she began to strip her clothes off without reservation, and put them in the hamper. Wearing nothing but panties and T- shirt that stopped half why down her bottom. Mac casually walked into the bathroom, stealing a glance behind her to see Harm admiring her six. She smiled in satisfaction and caught his eye. He quickly looked away. Mac laughed and closed the bathroom door.  
  
When she came out Harm was still sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers, and holding a small leather bag. She raised her eyebrows, and made no secret of giving him the once over. Smiling she said, "Nice."  
  
"Thanks." He replied genuinely, and got up to get ready for bed. He didn't shut the bathroom door and Mac watched him from beneath the covers. He was quite possibly the sexiest piece of work she had ever seen. She watched him brush his teeth, and marveled at the way his back muscles rippled and flexed beneath his skin.  
  
Mac's eyes widened slightly as she saw him pull out his electric shaver from the leather bag, and begin to shave the stubble from his face. She tried to quiet the butterflies in her stomach and told herself not to make too much of it. Still, she couldn't help but imagine his clean-shaven face soft against her skin. Mac closed her eyes and turned on her side trying to rid herself of that train of thought.  
  
'How can I feel this way?' She thought to herself. 'Did I not love Mic at all?' Her expression was pained at the answer to that question. 'No.'  
  
She shook her head slightly. 'What kind of person am I to keep hopping from one guy to the next? Not two weeks ago in this very bed, I had sex with Mic.' Mac's jaw tightened. 'Poor Harm, having to sleep in the exact place where I lay on top of another man, just a few weeks before.'  
  
A wave of guilt stole over Mac, and she drew her knees up into a fetal position. Suddenly she felt dirty, unfaithful. She shook her head as she realized once again that she was not thinking of Mic, but of Harm. She felt like she had been cheating on Harm for the last two years. It was an odd feeling, to say the least. Mic was going to be her husband. 'Would I have lived my whole life with Mic feeling like I was betraying Harm?'  
  
She closed her eyes as another realization came to her. 'There's no way I could have stayed married to Mic. There's no possible way it would ever have worked.' Strangely enough, this realization brought relief and comfort. 'That was a close one.'  
  
Mac opened her eyes to see Harm eyeing her with a concerned expression. "You ok?" He asked.  
  
"I think so." Mac replied weakly.  
  
Harm tentatively sat down next to her on the bed. "Anything you want to talk about?"  
  
"No." She replied.  
  
Harm studied her for a moment, but didn't push the issue. He went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to her. Rolling to his side he moved closer to her and waited. Mac smiled and scooted back slightly. Harm took that as an affirmative, and put his arm around her abdomen, pulling her close to his body. Mac molded herself firmly against him, and sighed at the warmth that filled her.  
  
After a moment she turned over to face him. Pulling back a little she said, "Harm, did you really call out my name when you kissed Renee'?"  
  
Harm blushed with embarrassment. "Yes I did. Just once. It was after I hit my head." He paused. "Remember when I called you__"  
  
"__Sweet thing." Mac finished, her eye twinkling. "How could I forget." She said with a chuckle.  
  
"Anyway, Renee' leaned in to kiss me, and I thought it was you, so I called her 'Mac'."  
  
"How did she react to that?"  
  
Harm face took on a sardonic expression. "She was none too please."  
  
"I bet."  
  
"Yeah, I was in the dog house for a while."  
  
After a moment of silence Mac said, "Harm?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Did you have any weird visions about anyone else?"  
  
"No. Only you." He replied.  
  
Mac smiled, and said. "Good." And then turned back over.  
  
Harm tightened his hold on her and placed a kiss underneath her ear. "Mac?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Do I get to ask you a question now?"  
  
Mac turned back over. "Sure." She said, wary.  
  
"Why did you have such a pained expression on your face when I came out of the bathroom?"  
  
Mac sighed, and looked away. "I was thinking about __ everything."  
  
Harm nodded. "Did you come to any conclusions?"  
  
Mac pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah." She said, wryly. "I concluded, that I almost married a man I never really loved. And I feel like a sleaze for taking advantage of him, for accepting his proposal, for sleeping with him__" Her voice trailed off. "When I was always in love with another man." Mac pulled back. "Now I know a marriage between Mic and me would never have worked."  
  
"How do you know that?" Harm asked.  
  
"Because there was never a time when I didn't want you. I wanted everything he gave me, but I didn't want it with him. I wanted it with you." Mac replied, her voice rising. "And I feel sick about it." She paused, and said quietly, "I feel so unfaithful."  
  
Harm's brow furrowed. But he remained silent. She needed to get this out. Mac raised her head and saw the look on Harm's face. "You don't even get it do you?" A troubled laugh escaped her lips. "It's not Mic I feel unfaithful to. It's you."  
  
Harm's face registered surprise. Mac nodded, "I know. Isn't that sad. I have felt so connected to you for so long, that the thought of me almost marrying another man, of taking him to my bed__" Mac halted and looked up at Harm. His face held no sign of discomfort, so she continued. "It feels like such a betrayal Harm. I just don't know how else to explain it." She shook her head, and studied her fingers.  
  
Harm raised her face to look at him. "You did not betray me any more than I did you. And you don't have to justify anything to me, or even to yourself. We have both made mistakes and hurt each other. That's all in the past now. Yes we've hurt other people in the process, but we can't do anything about that now, so there's no use dwelling on it." Harm paused, and stroked Mac's cheek. "We have a chance to do things right this time. And I don't want to ruin it by bringing up past mistakes. Bitterness and self-recrimination will tear us both apart. I don't want to let that happen."  
  
Mac nodded, her eyes brimmed with tears. "I don't either. Thank you Harm." She said softly.  
  
Harm reached for Mac and took her in his arms. She rested on his chest with one leg thrown across his waist, and one arm draped over his torso. Harm sighed and planted a kiss in her hair.  
  
"I've waited so long for this." Mac whispered.  
  
"The waiting is over." Harm replied. And they both drifted into sleep. 


End file.
